Who's The Real Poke Monster?

More fanart for a game I haven’t played in like five years… Here is the Director’s Cut version of the summary I tell the people who try to discuss Pokemon with me. Ahem:

I’m surprised PETA never got involved with trying to ban the game. Check it: picture a quiet forest, harmony abounds and you can see joy in the dew on every petal of a flower. A little rat dips its nose into a cool brook to refresh itsel—
BAM!!
Out bursts Ash from the bushes, screaming “YOUR ASS IS GRASS AND I’M THE LAWNMOWER VROOM VROOM!!”
Ash, using his trained apocalyptic anarchy animals, electrocute, set on fire, and stab this defenseless rat.
“ Please Mister, I need to find food for my family…my only son is sick and will die if I do not find the moon flower that only grows once in every convenient plot device!” squeaks the mammal. But Ash sees no remorse, for his eyes are blind…blind with rage! After pummeling the animal to the brink of death, this “sportsman” then places the roadkill victim in an airtight Tupperware ball; you can see the creature struggle for air in its last few seconds before passing out.

Once captured, Ash places the ball in storage, never to touch it ever again. The pocket monster dies of a broken heart, having fretted every sunless day how its family must have suffered the unbearable winter on their own.

Pokemon: rated E for everyone!

Oh, of course this isn’t how I really see the game. But have you ever wondered if monsters or baddies in videogames have families, jobs, hobbies, subscriptions to newsletters? There is an awesome commercial for the Viewtiful Joe game that covered the life of Generic Baddie A [link]

Oddly, my joke isn’t fiction in today’s games. Geez, everything has a consequence.
Did you go left=different ending!
You didn’t buy bread from the baker=your love interest gets murdered!
Now you NEED to buy strategy guides because there’s just too many things going on to make this adventure any fun. I’m a simple man with simple gaming needs. And apparently an old codger. Why, back in my gaming days…
-The “What A Jack-Ash” Cappy

For the copycats: Micron Pigma pen 03 (linework), discontinued Educational Watercolors, Strathmore watercolor paper.
References: google image searches for Ash and Officer Jenny…two words on why you should never do this: inflation fetishists; bulbapedia images on raticate and rattata.