Hey, with the J’s being pronounced as H’s, didja know my name would be pronounced Hayson in Spanish?
Shuddup you didn’t know!
Who else is convinced I should be a character designer? More uber cute talking animals whom I refuse to address as the creepy term ‘anthro’. O world, what happened to the good old days (80’s and early 90’s) when the little animal people’s genders were posted by strategically wearing a dress or a bow? I’m sure many of my brethren know what disheartening creations I’m referring to…but for the sake of the innocently ignorant I won’t delve too far into them. The best example of said creepiness was in the Looney Tunes movie Space Jam, and that waay, waaay too feminine cartoon bunny-girl character who left a mass of boys utterly confused and scared. I’ve never been fond of Looney Tunes to begin with…except for Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam…those guys’re awesome! The ani-pals I admire are the ones that were shown on Nickelodeon when I was a youngin. Like the Noozles, where a little girl has magical koala siblings, one in blue overalls and the other in pink. They pretended to be toys unless they were Eskimo-kissed. The girl’s father was stuck in some weird animal dimension with racist platypus police. Now my question is, what did the dad do to get himself thrown into the animal jail? On second thought just forget about that. Then there was Maya the Bee, and apparently I’m the only person ever to have seen this series. Ya can’t beat a stylin’ grasshopper in a top hat people! And then the Adventures of the Little Koala. There seems to be a running theme to these awesome shows I liked. I still remember the little guy had to baby sit penguins and they turn up the thermostat and literally make a 2-story freezer…hilarity ensued trust me. But no, its all gone. And we’re stuck with junk. So here’s my tribute to the adorable genderless mammals of olde. By now I think its pretty much a given that Haxxorz the koala captain was inspired by my beloved shows. But this time he’s got the awesome Frenchy Mustache!! Did you know that koalas are marsupials and not bears? And then we got Abacus, the obviously female raccoon since she sports the cuteness-enhancing bow. And together they form Los Sanitary Banditos! “The Los Means The! (™)” This is made in regards to witnessing time and time again of people-mainly guys-who tinkle and don’t wash their hands and people who sneeze directly into their hands. Look, Bubba’s in class. Bubba sneezes into his meaty palms. After class Bubba reaches and manhandles the doorknob. Sally then touches the doorknob. Now how is sneezing into your hands to be the polite thing to do? It simply helps spread the germs in my opinion. I for one simply sneeze downwards into my lap. And unless anyone is planning to manhandle my lap there’s a decent probability that the germs are staying put. And I can’t even begin to tell you how many people refuse to wash their hands after a potty break. John does his duty. John exits without washing his hands. John shakes your hand. You then open your lunch and unwittingly eat a pee pee sandwich. Its a friggin’ conspiracy I tell ya. This pic was done up using pencil and then smearing it with a shading stump…which pretty much resembles a joint. But drugs are bad! And due to Jason’s economic standing, I’ll do my art trades up in this style. Personally, I think it looks rather professional and hey, its gray! And hey, I’ve typed way too much!
-The Keeps Going And Going And Going And Captain