The Start Of Our Fandemic

UPDATE: Hey transfans! Do you like my Transformer humor, but can’t understand why I taint the rest of my gallery with filthy hyooman characters? I’ve opened up a NEW gallery that’s one-hundred percent robot rousings. Transformer jokes will still be uploaded to this gallery as well, so if you like my general jokes then there’s no reason to watch the other site. So if you’d like to follow along Optimus and gang thru transfunny misadventures, head on over to Cappitron!
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Cappy’s (reposted) Transformers Movie Review
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I’m sure you’ve held off on seeing this film because you can’t do anything without knowing Cappy’s position on robo rocket orgies.

My Opinions Are Like Facts:
I absolutely love the original Transformers; sure, I can admit the cartoon was a front for pushing a toyline that barely resembled their cartoon appearance. But the writers did their darndest to create entertaining stories that didn’t try to teach hippie ideals about love and caring—it was about robots knocking the crap out of each other!
And how was the live action incarnation of my childhood memory?
Pretty dang sweet, mofo!
In fact it was surprisingly neat. People keep reviewing the movie like it’s supposed to be on par with The Passion Of The Christ. It’s not supposed to be the best movie we’ve ever seen (that award goes to Vampire Hunter D, watch it now!), in fact the other Transformers movie is pretty boring after the original cast gets capped in the head. It was super fun to watch, and had some really chuckle-worthy comedy moments. I told my friend that I probably laughed more at this movie than I have at movies claiming to be legitimate comedies.

Thumbs Up:
For a two-hour movie it sure went by in a blur. The human-to-robot ratio was handled well enough so that you didn’t become overly bored (with the winning formula of TALKING-TALKING-CLEAVAGE-ROBOTS!!). And almost all the human cast had a charming quirk to them so that I enjoyed their screen time.

People were concerned about Optimus being given lips; one smart critic left the comment “From now on we shall refer to him as Lipitor: the robot with lips!” I think it actually helped give emotion to Optimus when they showed his mouth.

Thumbs Up An Orifice:
I think the voice cast of the Autobots were a’ight…the new talent came off more like filler voices that didn’t leave impressions on you, and Jazz sounded like a White person describing how they thought Black people talked. The Decepticons all sounded the same to me, except Megatron (voiced by Agent Smith from the Matrix movies) who sounded like every cartoonish evil-doer voice. Like most fans I missed hearing the original Meg voice, but if the videogame voiceover is any indication (they used the original voice actor), then I do agree that the original voice has become very aged and tired.

Almost all the human cast was enjoyable to watch…except for the oddly attractive Australian hacker lady. Silly media propaganda, we all know there are no real females on the Internet! And even believing in hot hooker hacker subplot, there’s no way the other hackers in the room could concentrate on breaking the code since they have level-thirty-two-orc-mage-quality boners to conceal.

As stated, I thought the humans had some great dialogue…in fact the only bad dialogue was given to the Transformers. Almost everything they uttered made me feel embarrassed for being a fan. The biggest groaner was Optimus’ speech about “WE MUST SAVE THE HUMANS BECAUSE ALL CREATURES ARE BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE LIKE A SNOWFLAKE”. And then right after saying this he stabs a Decepticon in the face with a sword. All creatures have a choice…except the Decepticons, they chose wrong I guess. Also, the Autobots learned about our culture on the Internet; that right there should have made them aware that we really aren’t worth saving. With all those diaper fetish sites he ran into, Prime should have considered us an alternative fuel source.
I wouldn’t blame him.

The Conclusion:
As a trilogy movie, I think this had the strongest ‘intro’ movie out of all the other trilogy booster paks I’ve seen. And as bad as you think Bay did on his incarnation, he did nowhere near as much damage as Japan has done over the years with the license…it makes me believe that Japanese series animators go crazy without English writing direction. I don’t know about you, but I look forward to the next movie!


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Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition
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Oh wuh duh fuh?!
Dang it females, you’d best not have made me draw porn for you.
Let me explain… Your Cappy had the most innocently adorable Transformers fanart to help describe the origins of Optimus and Megatron’s strife. I used DevArt’s usually broken yet sometimes helpful search function in order to find character references for my favorite cybernetic beings.
Then I saw IT.
IT…was Transformers slash.
‘Slash’ is a term that refers to what you want to do to your wrists upon discovering two male media characters on cloud nine. CLOUD SIXTY-NINE GRAAH!!! I saw a picture of Megatron<3Starscream, the ghost of George Washington arose from his grave and billowed, “LORD I REBUKE THE FIRST AMENDMENT!!”

Okay, okay, fine. To each her own…if your lust for the clanging of metals contributed to the surge of support of the new Transformers movie and thus greenlighting the rest of the trilogy, I don’t mind sharing the interwebs with ya. And I won’t charge you for my eyeball transplants if you press the fave button. Deal?

So, as I promised more Transformers fanart, this is a capptastic take on how Megatron and Optimus’ feud started. Soundwave isn’t the only Transformer that needs to be good at communication. He’s not evil, Prime, it’s just hard to hear under that penis-looking helmet! Personally, I find mine more believable than the original series’ explanation of:

Orion Pax: Hello, welcome to Cybertron, where we practice hippie ideals of harmony and serenity! Can I give you a big hug and a flowe—
Megatron: I’m insecure about my heterosexuality!
*cannonblast to the effing chest*
Orion Pax: OW! If only there was a classification to describe how deceptive you are!
*dies deservedly*
Robot Jesus: Taadaa! I resurrected you, Orion Pax. Your new, non retarded Christian name is now Optimus Prime.
Optimus: I will make it my mission to hug Megatron…UNTIL HE SNAPS IN HALF.

Enjoy my art buddies, and don’t hate on me yaoi fanbase, you know you chuckled at least once during my description! Besides, you’re being critiqued by a guy who drew himself making out with his female clone [link] , who am I to judge? Oh right, this is the Internet!
-The “Yes I’ll Admit Starscream Was A Total Flamer For Megatron” Cappy

For the copycats: Micron Pigma pen 02 (linework); discontinued Crayola educational watercolors; red, blue, and green Pilot V5 rolling ball pens (colored linework and textures); mechanical pencil with shading stump (shadows).

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Misc
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Thanks to deadeye’s signature, I was reminded of the most awesome Transformers fan parodies on Youtube. Most of the voices are spot on, most amazing is their verbatim Starscream…they totally need to make an episode just about our favorite flamboyant baddie. Check the links below and be prepared to giggle; warning, awesomely bad language.
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The problem with being resurrected in a series
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Building retarded robots
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Shockwave doesn’t have depth perception
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Sc-rap battle, yo mamma!
Youtube better not delete these, Viacom doesn’t own everything!