Takes Guts To Dress Like That

NOTE: if you hate this picture, you’re gonna hate the other Aeris drawing I did!
[link]

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Cappy’s Not So Random Rant
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Yes, I spell it ‘Aeris’, because that’s the spelling of her name in the only game that Squaresoft made that I thought worthy of playing with her in it. I just can’t get into Square games.
Well, SquarEnix games.
I mean, I’m not a total hater on Square. Wait, yes, I do hate most Square games. But I take real exception with ‘Chrono Trigger’, one of the greatest game mechanics gimmick of the 16-bit era, and ‘Final Fantasy VI’ had a great plot twist by actually having the villain succeed in destroying the world. And I hate to admit it, but I’m having a blast with the remake of ‘Final Fantasy IV’ on the DS; they really did manage to recapture the rewarding game play of the RPGs from back in the day. But many of SquarEnix products almost negatively interest me…almost like they try too hard to recapture the magic of their popular games which makes it feel you’re playing same characters/different rendering.

Especially the ‘Kingdom Hearts’ fiasco. I’m a grown ass man, and here’s King Mickey trying to tell me something serious and I’m feeling sorry for myself cuz I’m a grown ass man, alone, who’s playing Fanfic: The Game. I don’t care about any of these cross over cookie cutter characters.
“Hi, you may remember me from that Final Fantasy game you liked! Well it doesn’t matter if you never played the game, cuz I’m only here to give you a tutorial on jumping slash attacks!” And hey, didn’t you die in your original game? Shouldn’t someone tell her not to go back thru that plot loophole universe door? Although I do enjoy the pure horror in children’s eyes when I describe what happened to Aeris in the original game and who did it to her.

And I’d give fanfics more props for at least trying to come up with a better plot than “oh, there’s a final fantasy door that people can walk thru…so that’s that.” And it’s not that original of a premise. Back in the 80s, there was a cartoon dedicated to various videogame universes converging together. It was ‘Captain N: The Game Master’. Which I think did a better job because the script writers knew just how ludicrous a concept it was and wrote it as a joke/way to cash in on properties and tried to make it humorous.
You heard me: ‘Kingdom Hearts’ is a bad copy of ‘Captain N’.
FLAME ME AND I SHALL ARISE FROM THE ASHES LIKE AN EFFING PHOENIX!!

Angry Old Man Tangent: Case in point: ‘Fantasy Dissidia’. SquarEnix seems to have just given up and realize ‘Final Fantasy VII’ was their opus and try to justify putting it in everything. Cloud and his feathered and frosted hair is once again text dumped into a game with other characters from the various RPG series and beat each other up. What ticks me off most is the intro cut scene. Not that it’s bad, in fact it’s awesome. It makes me mad at the company for making boring and melodramatic CG movies when they should handle the property like a 90 minute cut scene. I would have been happy if the ‘Advent Children’ movie were just a bunch of summons blowing the crap out of Midgar instead of close-up shots of realistic uncanny valley anime faces.
Cloud’s eyeballs are the eyeballs of Beelzebub.

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Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition
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“Cappy, why must you mock the things your watchers love?”
Because I’m a jerk. And because I know you’ll come back for more. YOU ALWAYS DO.

Now, if you don’t know what cosplay is, it’s where grown-ass men and grown-ass women, of their own volition, create and wear costumes of videogame and anime characters and parade around the lobbies of the Ramada Inn with others of their ilk. I do not pretend to understand cosplay, nor do I really appreciate it, but I’m a dude that pays money for transforming robot cars, so I’m pretty sure my glass house is a wireframe at this point.

But I am sure I speak for the entire fandom regarding Tifa Lockheart cosplayers: anyone who isn’t a walking boner factory (aka teenage boys) won’t appreciate your lack of clothing/custom materials/time investment.
I know I sure don’t.
Unless you have big knockers.
Then I appreciate that.
Unless those knockers are underage.
Then I hate that.

And speaking of Tifa, more like TiFATASS in my comic am I right?! She represents the startling amount of femfans out there who obsess over the villain of videogames and movies. Somebody really should do a study about what part of the brain secretes the endorphins to think they can change characters like that with the sheer power of their teenage love.

About the art. I blew a fuse trying to come up with a title for this picture, in fact I came up with the title a few minutes ago. Runners-up include “The Sword In The Clone” and “Reproduction Is Strictly Prohibited”.
-The “Don’t Hate The Game, Hate The NPC” Cappy

References: google image search for “aeris” “tifa” “sephiroth”