Disproportionality

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Cappy’s Random Rant
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I was just cleaning out my cat’s litter box. Yes, your Cappy’s a cat person, BECAUSE REAL MEN LOVE PU…see, it’s too easy, never mind.

There’s a point to this I think. Oh yeah! So I’m in the trenches of this cat box, the dusty aura of a million turd souls wafting about my face. I pick up the box of litter, and was greeted with the warning: pregnant women should not handle this product.
Hey now, let’s think about this.
Cat littler is so powerful that it can effect a human being that’s buried inside another human being?! What about the poor infantry bodies like myself? Nobody cares about us grunts!

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Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition
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Have you ever seen an artist’s caricature, then seen a real life photo, and it’s like Jekyll and Hyde? I mean, perhaps that’s the great thing about art, to create whatever you want to in order to express yourself.
In fact, yes, I’ll make such a statement.
Art is a wondrous outlet; it allows you to create visual representations of ideas, aspirations, memories…nothing even comes close to mimicking the imagination. Society can be a hostile place, especially for girls and being body conscious. Some people cannot help the way their body looks, and maybe drawing that twiggy anime persona is the best outlet for them.

Now that I have every female art buddy about to type up how sensitive and compassionate your Cappy is, let me knock y’all back to neutral tolerance of me. An anime representation is a great way to boost up your self esteem…it’s a whole nother when you try dressing up AS your anime soul sister! Just because you think your anime counterpart looks like Yuna from Final Fantasy X, doesn’t mean you should dress like her during your cosplay excursions. Big gals, I love ya and I think you should feel sexy, but whenever I see your cosplay ID it just looks like the Hulk busting out of a Level 4 containment cell. At least make it a dress size bigger or two so it looks comfy…

Luckily I’m secure enough in my appearance to draw myself accurately. I’ll admit I have more cause to be narcissistic than most with such flawless and TOTALLY REAL stats:
*apparently 8’5
*has less than 2% body fat
*capable of growing facial hair into a majestic handlebar mustache
*won the gold, silver, and bronze at the 2002 Olympics in the SAME category at the SAME time
*crowned “Cartoonist Most Likely To Have Had Every Girl On DevArt Fantasize About Making Out With Him”. It’s okay girls, you couldn’t help yourselves.

But no! I remain humble and do not flaunt my radiance like the hot sun god that I am!!
Okay, really…if I COULD cultivate a handlebar mustache, you’d best be sure that thing would be the bumper crop of all twirly mustaches. What I AM able to produce facially, however, is a smile on my art buddies’ faces as I give them thank-you art. I really am grateful for all the support I’ve received from my awesome art buddies over the course of these many uploads. Since I’m an INTERNET SUPERSTAR I just don’t have time to visit my adoring fans’ site like I wish I could to repay all the buttkissery. So what better way to honor them than to character-assassinate ‘em!

I’ll randomly pick art buddies who’ve stood out by leaving a thoughtful comment at some point…or they could just ask to be in a drawing. That works too. The first victim to kick start Operation: Nobody Is Safe is Miss DaniTHEhappy1 [link] Give her a round of applause for supplying a photo of herself to a strange online man she’s never met before—hopefully this will show you the dire consequences of the Internets and its seedy back alley artists!

I was first introduced to her on a cold winter’s morrow, I had just come in from chopping firewood to stoke my furnace and power my steam engine computer to check the ye olde Deviant Art bulletin board. I had something like thirty new messages, and it seemed DaniTHEhappy1 and her friend was playing dueling banjos and seeing which one of them could fave their favorite jokes of mine first.
Quite flattering!

Every so often, she’ll poke her head into my site to leave a comment, which usually spirals into her trying to explain why she made a certain joke or why she hasn’t commented for a while…which is like analyzing someone’s thought process:

JASON YOUR JOKES ARE PRICELESS, YOU SHOULD BE A NATIONAL TREASURE, OR AT LEAST AS VALUABLE AS THE STATE BIRD OR SOMETHING, BUT THAT’S SILLY SINCE YOU’RE NOT A BIRD, BUT ISN’T BIRD SLANG FOR A PERSON, WAIT NO IT’S ENGLAND JIVE SQUAWK FOR A FEMALE, AND YOU’RE NOT FEMALE BECAUSE YOU’D BE THE UGLIEST GIRL I’VE EVER SEEN, BUT THAT’S NOT A DISS ON YOUR LOOKS, OH GOD YOU HATE ME, BUT WAIT I’M AN ATHEIST!

About the art. She doesn’t supply an age on her gallery. If she is over eighteen, she’s totally one-dimensional for my manly 2-D body; if she’s under eighteen, she’s simply appreciating the elasticity of my Powerthirst abs. Have we covered the bases, good. A very big thank-you to her and her sporadic posting that always leaves me flattered!
-The “The Term Used For My Art’s Title Is Totally Being Misrepresented Here” Cappy

For the copycats: Micron pigma pen 03 (linework), colored pencils, Uniball 207 colored pen (hatch marks).