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DailyDoseOfVitaminConspiracy

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Cappy’s Ramdom Rant
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There was a blood drive going on on campus, so I decided to donate, even though I hate needles and the smell of rubbing alcohol and oh my god why are you taking out so much blood put some of it back I need it!
But it’s for a good cause.

Afterwards, they lead you to the “refreshment bar”, which consists entirely of food that expired half a month ago from the adjacent grocery store. I was sitting next to a girl. No I’m not bragging, this is a plot device so shut up! A woman waddles over and asks us if we would also like to be bone marrow donors. Geez, I just gave you a quarter of my life essence, let me feel like a good Samaritan for five minutes and enjoy my stale cookie. So I end up saying no, feeling bad for not saving ENOUGH lives today.

The girl next to me was munching away like crazy on a pretzel, and one can assume she was in Rold’s Gold Rapture and didn’t hear the acquisition. The girl pulled out the pretzel, looked absolutely shocked, and questioned, “YOU’RE DOING A BONE DRIVE?!” After the initial shock, everyone at the table burst into laughter as the aid explained what a bone MARROW drive was. Afterwards I leaned over to the embarrassed girl and said, “Hey, if you were still willing to donate to a bone drive, that shows commitment to a cause!”

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Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition
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You foolish mortals.
For years, parents and elders have whispered words of “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.”
It wasn’t a witticism, it was a warning!
And yet, grocery stores have decided to carelessly supply these things to impressionable youth…and I witness isles upon isles of these ferocious fruits.
“But Jason, I’ve eaten plenty of apples! There’s nothing wrong with ‘em.”
Pssh, that’s the venomous apple juice that’s infiltrated your brain talking.

SCIENTIFIC PROOF I JUST MADE UP:
Hold out your tongue and say the word “apple”. You hear the mystery word?
COINCIDENCE?!

Apple Jacks…don’t taste like apples. Clearly, Kellogg’s has decided to take a stand.

What is the fruit most commonly characterized as the Forbidden Fruit that got Adam and Eve banned from the Garden Of Eden? APPLES.

The statement “the apple of my eye”? A reference to glaucoma.

Johnny Appleseed, widely considered America’s most infamous deviant, devastated farmers by conspicuously planting the demon seeds among crops. When asked why he did such an act, he replied “Because I’m evil. If there were little Hitler seeds, I’d plant them all over the countryside. Too bad he wasn’t born in my time period…”

Okay, seriously. About halfway thru inking, I realized this joke was stupid. But man, did it come out looking sweet! If this drawing makes at least one person laugh, well then, we’ll know not to get advice from them over what movies they think are funny.
-The “If I Recall, Apples Have More Vitamin C Than Oranges” Cappy

For the copycats: Micron Pigma pen 03 (linework), colored pencils, Prismacolor marker (gray areas).
Image size
700x556px 212.79 KB
Make
HP
Model
HP oj7400
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albino-pie's avatar
Applefied Golgo 13 is terrifying! Why does he exist? Why?!

I want to give blood when I'm old enough, despite my fear of needles. Just thinking about it makes me shudder! But it is for a good cause, so I think it's cool whenever someone donates. The bone marrow drive sounds awfully painful, though.